I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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