I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
