WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
