i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
