Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Your shirt... Was in my pants
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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