I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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