just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
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Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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