Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
