She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
