Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
