I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
