You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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