Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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