with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
