the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
