we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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