let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
