I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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