Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
