just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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