i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
