weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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