Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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