yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
