I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i now understand why vodka
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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