how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You took a bar mat shot.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
