i think my tv is drunk
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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