I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So squirting runs in the family.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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