Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
