Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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