Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
