My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
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repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
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Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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