A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
