this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
