I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
