I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
