you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
