In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
