i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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