I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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