i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
you never un-have a 4some
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
