i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
