omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
