Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
