I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't deserve a penis
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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