If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
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so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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