so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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