There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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