and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
