Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
