i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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