i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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