just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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