I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
