i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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