I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
