I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
