our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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