Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
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A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
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Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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